Double Take

Please forgive me as I am sure that over the next few weeks as my hormones regulate, that you will get a lot of sappy, hormone balancing blogs, beginning with this one tonight!

I've known for the last 13 years that I've wanted to name a child Chris after...Chris obviously...but I would have to convince my other half of it! When we decided to give Christopher his name, Jason wanted to use Chris Eugene, which is exactly what my cousin's name was! I didn't care for the "Eugene" (Sorry aunt Cathy!) and I wanted my child to have it be partly his own as well...hence...Christopher!

Now, the weird part for me is when I hear Andrew call him Chris or even myself saying Chris, it's weird! Even typing it and watching as it comes out, I don't feel like "Chris" is his yet. He is very much a Christopher I know this and I don't doubt the name decision what-so-ever...especially when his dimples showed up the other day.

The hard part for me right now...keep in mind that I'm regulating hormones...is that even though it's been 13 years, "Chris" still belongs very much so with some still vivid memories! This including the last night I saw him at my confirmation...3 weeks before he died...goofing around and picking on my boyfriend at the time!! It also includes a very vivid memory of one heck of a croquet game which was the last time we were all together as a family with Chris and Beth.

And I know that in good time, the name will transition for me, but for right now, there are days it's hard to swallow! I was sitting in church tonight staring at my Christopher, with part of my heart wanting to keep this little family I have exactly like I have it, but not wanting the option of using the name Chris for the reason we did...does that make sense? I wish I had both of them!

I just remind myself that I still have the big Chris! He's very much alive in my thoughts and I'm sure some day in my Chris' actions! It's crazy how some of the things that transpired in my pregnancy and how his personality is so far that mimic his namesake!